i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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