They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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