My hand turned me down
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
