Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
