He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
