No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize