How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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