we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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