I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize