As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've created a new STD.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
