Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
