He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
