Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
