I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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