I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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