the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
