I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
