I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
