Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
