One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
