it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
