Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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