I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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