i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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