why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
