I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
