I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I believe in your delicious
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
