chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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