My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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