I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
