I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
