here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
