Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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