I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
