so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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