I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
