he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize