we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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