he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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