I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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