I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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