Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
