your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
