Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Found the puke drawer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
