you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How does one acquire holy water?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You left your phone here
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