I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
