He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize