the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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