Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
