im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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