Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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