ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
