When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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