I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
