yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
