what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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