You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
