Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
