What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
