mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
