It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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