Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
