areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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