hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
