he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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