i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
