Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
