i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
