I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
