good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
