I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize