Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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