i'm signing you up for texting rehab
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
