I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
