It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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