You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
